It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
