Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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