Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize