Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
