you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Non-Jews are for practice
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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