Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
