Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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