11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
