I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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