We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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