I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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