listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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