Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
