If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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