Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
