hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize