There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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