All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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