Buhtt sex?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
