I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
