i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just forgot I was standing up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
