i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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