i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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