I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
