You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina is very pro this idea
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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