What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
