your room smells of hookers.
And success
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
