hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize