Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't deserve a penis
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
