i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
