Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
