Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
