sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
