I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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