Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
