can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
