If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
