im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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