I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
