when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
