I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
