you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
