Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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