is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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