I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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