I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
