I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
