Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
