Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
