I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
God, I missed his penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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