my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize