i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
