She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
