brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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