I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
