yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
