I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
