Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
