Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
