My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
