She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
