Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
