Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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