before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
