It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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