they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
