She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
