Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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