So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
