two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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