Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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