in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
