If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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