I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
