i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize