I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
