I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
