I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
