The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
