every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
