my mouth tastes like poor choices
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
