sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
