The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
