hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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