are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
