guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
