My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
