I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i now understand why vodka
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
