You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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