I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
