I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
