You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
