he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
