I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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