He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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