Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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