So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
