i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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