we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
