just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
