I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
