he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
