Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
