Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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