Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
