I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
