I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
