Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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