I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
