5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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