omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
