Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
