You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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