shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
