She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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