Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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