hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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