I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
